To the Victorians, women were fragile creatures, prone to going weak at the knees in the presence of death.  Such was the attitude of Victorian men, and it meant for the first time in human history, the business of caring for the dead ceased to be a primarily female role.  It’s taken more than a hundred years, but women are regaining their position in the industry.  According to the latest available figures (2011) the proportion of women working as funeral directors has risen in the past few decades from not very many at all to about 34%.  As a funeral director myself, this tells me that women are taking back that traditional responsibility, not just in terms of providing professional assistance to the bereaved, but within the families where death has occurred.

When we visit a newly-bereaved family, we sit to talk about the options available – burial or cremation, religious or secular, etc.  The men of the family will join in the conversation and often have strong views, particularly pertaining to cost, but it’s the women who take charge, the women who organise the invitations, the women who think about the flowers and the personal tributes and the music and… just about everything else.  This is not to decry men in any way, and I must state clearly that I am dealing in generalities – obviously not all families are the same – but this is an overwhelming trend in my experience.

There are a number of factors at play.  Women tend to be better at multitasking, and if ever an event required the skills of an expert juggler a funeral is one of them.  Inviting people, feeding them, deciding what should go in an Order of Service, picking those perfect photographs to best represent the lost family member – these are all things which women are often just better at.  International Women’s Day is absolutely about fairness and equality as the adopted key message for 2022 proclaims – Break the Bias.  But it should also be about recognising difference in a positive light, and it is women’s strength which brings them to the fore in such times of crisis.  I have seen so many women display a stoicism, a courage that fuels their determination to do the best for the person who has passed and those who mourn them.  Men can be that bit more fragile.  Less in touch with their emotions perhaps, and a little more fearful of them; it can be hard for men to get involved with the detail of a funeral because doing so forces them to come face-to-face with the reality of their loss.

As a female funeral director, I would like to think I bring something different to the role from those great strengths brought by my husband and partner in the business, Paul.  I’m glad that more women are getting involved in the industry which will be all the better for a more gender-balanced approach in terms of the service we provide.  I also regard it as a great positive that women feel sufficiently empowered to take the lead once more when death strikes their families.  After all, mourning is all about families which so often have strong women at their heart.